New Mommness

So I started working out two weeks ago.

To feel my body MOVE, as in constant motion, without stopping, in cyclic ways, in scissor ways, in stretching to the skies...well, it's been a trial.

I remember WAITING for the day when I could work out again. When I was pregnant and huge and my belly was larger than Jupiter and Saturn and all their moons COMBINED, I was itching to work out HARD.

And now?

Ugh, I can feel the absence of muscle. (except my right bicep which is ripping awesome from carrying my big baby) My lungs are in a state of, "What's going on? I'm actually working under stressful conditions..." and my buttocks are yawning themselves awake, "Mhm, this doesn't feel like the couch cushions..."

I don't want my pre-baby body back. I want a better state of health.

I want - God willing - my next pregnancy to be even better, with a cleaner bill of health. No worries about sugar, no anxieties about high blood pressure. Granted, all was well with this pregnancy and my fear of these conditions was all for naught. But I want to be better. I want to be stronger, more ready.

And then there's breastfeeding. Did someone fail to write this sentence in all the pregnancy and birth literature out there:

REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU DO, IF YOU DECIDE TO BREASTFEED, THIS WILL LIKELY BE THE MOST PAINFUL AND DIFFICULT PART OF THE POSTPARTUM EXPERIENCE.

I'm not dissing the sleep deprivation. I'm not smirking at the episiomoty recoveries. I'm just sayin' that the boobfeeding experience is one that I was NOT, repeat NOT prepared for...blisters, rashes, PLUGGED DUCTS, changing colors, sizes, breast pads, nursing bras, lotions, water, airing out...

Heaven help me. Why didn't anyone give me a reality check about breastfeeding?

There was one person, I believe, on FACEBOOK who wrote one comment on my wall when she found out I was pregnant: Watch out for breastfeeding. I wish someone prepped me for that one.

Of course I knew it would take some time to figure out. The sore nipples and what not -- I was anticipating all of that. But holy smokes, the PAIN, the agonizing over each feeding in the beginning...I actually had nightmares about a gigantic breast in my face; as if I was the baby and one huge boob was coming toward me. It was the size of a house. I woke up sweating.

So, yeah. Breastfeeding.

Another reason confirming that women truly can do and withstand anything.