It never ceases to amaze me how much has to happen for a womyn to become pregnant.
I've never been pregnant and decided, after much thought and deep prayer, that I want to be a mother. My preference for beginning a family would be to have a biological child first and then adopt in a few years. However, Adonis and I are completely open to all the different ways that progeny come about.
In 1999, I had a surgery that ended with a tumor the size of grapefruit being extracted from my right ovary and another cyst removed from my left. Portions of both ovaries were removed, but I was told that children were still a possibility. I was twenty and thoughts of children were frequent, but I wasn't ready. Adonis and I, at that point in our lives, were passing acquaintances at college drinking fiestas.
And here we are, going to doctors and wondering what in the world I need to do to contribute to the global population.
Another surgery, apparently, is what needs to happen.
The road to health is a never ending bike path. Once you think you can close your eyes and enjoy the wind, even for a split second, a bend in the road approaches and that moment of relaxation is put off for another mile or two. And then another bend. Sometimes, despite, our healthy habits, frequent exercising, and water drinking, our bodies decide to do things all on their own. Mine decided to make tumors again and complicate my desire to have life beyond my own.
Two surgeries before thirty. That's not exactly what I imagined for myself, but when I think of all the unexpected bends in the road, I accept this road as mine. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to get through this time with promise and health.
ps - I am NOT moving my blog to be classified under "infertility" blogosphere or whatever some folks have suggested. While I certainly appreciate the great resources of those blogs, and I will continue to expand my writing in other areas of the internet, this is my home here - as a radical womyn of color feminist. I'm just a feminist who wants babies.