Thursday, April 10, 2008

Even Good Things Leave Scars

I'm married.

This June, Adonis and I will celebrate 3 years of some serious lovin'. He rocks and I adore him.

When we wed, I slipped on a ring that is wavy in cut, original in design. After a while (2 and a half years), I noticed that my skin underneath the band was embedding the ring design. For some reason, it irked me to the bone to have my natural body alter in such a way. So, one night when I drank too much vino, I kissed Adonis in his sleep and pulled off my wedding band to let my skin heal and go back to normal.

That was about 2 months ago and my ring finger is adjusting. When I run my fingers over the imprint, I notice that time and air has breathed life back into the scar.

Interestingly, people notice that my ring is gone and wonder all sorts of wild things. People wonder if we're in trouble or if this is my new "feminist" thing or if I am contemplating divorce. Such a small piece of my life, a small ring of silver with rubies and diamonds, can go missing and then cause a small flurry. I tell folks, "Nothing's changed!" My deepening love is still the same as it was before I removed the ring to heal.

I took out "feminist" as a descriptor in my bio description. Something needs to heal there, too. In light of recent observations, identifying as "feminist" causes back of the throat vomit tastings. I'm still me - same writing, same lava. I'm just swimming in uncertainty these days about "feminism," and hope that time and space will breathe life into my "feminist" scar; this ring that I once proudly wore. The world hasn't changed much from last week when I was hard core "feminist," - womyn are still dying and gasping for breath under a brutal global economy. This culture, last time I checked, is still a rape culture. Giving up a descriptor is a brief dusting of my internal shelves of identity. Small impact in the grand picture of life. It's important to me though and it's worth writing about.

But, unlike my wedding band, I don't know if I 'll put this one back on in the future.

We'll see.

Now, before I die I'd like to focus on more important matters.

1 comment:

  1. I really like this post. Thanks!
    And your blog--I just started following it a few weeks ago.


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