tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30786752.post6451174338390822064..comments2023-10-09T09:07:18.186-04:00Comments on My Ecdysis: How a Feminist Got Married: A Radical ManifestaLisahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16013142465038823597noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30786752.post-67955617194509518912009-01-19T07:01:00.000-05:002009-01-19T07:01:00.000-05:00For us, marriage was the only solution to be physi...For us, marriage was the only solution to be physically/geographically together. Borders would otherwise keep us apart, and taking part in that privilege in order to be together is a decision still fraught with mixed emotions. There is very much a need for a discussion about how feminist marriage can exist (or how for some, it almost has to for the relationship to survive). I'm so glad you're writing this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30786752.post-49878405316873919542009-01-18T22:50:00.000-05:002009-01-18T22:50:00.000-05:00Sounds like it'll be an interesting manifesta. I w...Sounds like it'll be an interesting manifesta. I wrote this on another blog, but I think it is applicable here as well. I think that the experience of feeling conflict over marriage is, in some way, an example of the personal being political. Since there is now an entire subset of feminists (and women, in general) who struggle with this issue (oversimplified: to marry and "sell out" or not to marry and lose privilege/legitimacy), but don't know what exactly to do with the conflict between the theoretical and the actual. It's the existential struggle of "am I still a 'good' feminist if I...", which is something that many of us feel in trying to come to terms with our "authentic" self-- a self that is by nature one that is both determined by us and by the perception of us by others, which is all too wrapped up in their own self-perception as well. My point is that the sentiment of the personal being political was initially used to move women's experiences from a place of individualism toward one of collectivity, and that was/is helpful in establishing this thing we now call "women's issues". Somewhat ironically, the third wave started flipping this idea on it's head, saying that one person's individual and self-defined action of resistance has an impact on the group. So if Action X feels gratifying to that one person then it is, by extension, also empowering for women, as a whole. This rationale is fraught with problems, and the conflict that feminists feel about "buying into patriarchal institutions", like marriage, is but one example. There is (and should be) a distinction between an individual and the collective, and somewhere in the last 20 or so years, that distinction has become less and less visible. To further complicate things, marriage itself isn't cut and dried. It's a privilege to be able to marry (for obvious reasons), but it's also a privilege to be able to choose NOT to marry. The ability to eschew the privileges that marriage provides a couple (particularly as they related to citizenship and/or visa status, hospital visitation, inheritance, etc.) is a (mostly class) privilege. So, for some, it's a double bind. And there are tons of political rationalizations that can be made in defense of marriage. For example, I was told that since I'm queer, my getting married to my male partner would actually be undermining marriage or changing the institution from within. But, for me, that feels like bullshit--first because the radical feminist in me tends toward overthrowing and creating alternatives, and second, because I don't walk around with a big visible "QUEER" tattoo, which means that people who don't know me read my relationship as heterosexual. So I don't think my singular actions are really undermining an institution. This is a subject that has been on my mind lately so forgive me for blathering on about it.Feminist Reviewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01146840036438732265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30786752.post-22172705865359115962009-01-18T18:24:00.000-05:002009-01-18T18:24:00.000-05:00What a great idea. I have a feeling your manifest...What a great idea. <BR/><BR/>I have a feeling your manifesta will probably inspire me to write one of my own. I've talked about marriage before on my blog, but in a more general way, and not specifically about my OWN marriage; with all the struggles and joy that entails.<BR/><BR/>Looking forward to reading!whatsernamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15731411057968563416noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30786752.post-84040837049575961982009-01-18T17:17:00.000-05:002009-01-18T17:17:00.000-05:00I too look forward to reading. This will be intere...I too look forward to reading. This will be interesting, and I support you going in the direction that works for you. I'm glad you are able to make decisions and changes that are best for you, and I will enjoy watching the growth and changes you share.Aaminah Shakurhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01264975459906442790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30786752.post-29116916264837765202009-01-18T14:51:00.000-05:002009-01-18T14:51:00.000-05:00I really look forward to reading mujer. Given all ...I really look forward to reading mujer. Given all your writings thus far, I am sure that it will be an amazing look at marriage.Maegan la Malahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150905635603224058noreply@blogger.com